i still think these diary notes are dumb as fuck but yet i write them constantly because they’re the only way i can let anything out. i don’t really have anyone to talk to so these stupid text posts are the only things i have. so, i woke up today at like 6 am due to the wind (it was blowing really hard ok and my window was open) and idk as soon as i got up i felt sad. everything started rushing back into my mind, it was like i was soaring high and then i just started falling straight to the ground. i have school today, which i can’t miss, if i do i don’t think i’ll be able to forgive myself. i need to go more but it’s so hard. when i get there i’ll probably end up either A, crying/having a breakdown, B become completely closed off from everyone or C both. i’ve been really bad these past few days and relapsing has never seemed better. i’ve been feeling really faded, tired and ghost like. the other day when i was at my moms her and my aunt kept asking me if i was alright and that i look out of it but i just kept answering with ”i’m just tired.”. things are starting to bubble up again. school’s almost over and i spent this whole semester crying and having anxiety attacks which caused my grades to go down because of my lack of attendance. i want to talk to the school social worker or whatever but i’m really scared of what she’ll think. if i tell her the truth, she’ll assume things and talk to people she shouldn’t be. i don’t trust her. i just need someone. i’m lonely and worn out and extremely close to exploding.
It’s as if I believe the more that I squeeze this pillow between my thighs
The more likely the chance that I’ll find romance if it somehow becomes alive
I share my bed with a bad brain, spilled ash, and cum stains almost every night
I’ll find me a drug to replace the love that is slowly leaving my life
I just really wish I had someone. Someone to talk to and kiss and cuddle and spill my ambitions to. But frankly I have no one and I’ve had no one for so long that I feel like I’m going insane. Is it bad to want to be loved?
aw omg this is really sweet and omg
i miss you too, come back into my life and i’ll meet you with open arms. who is this though? whoever it is, i love you.
I have a massive urge to cut tonight. I’m trying to contact my friend so I can possibly go out clubbing with him but he hasn’t responded so it looks like it’ll be me and my sadness tonight.